EXTRACT FROM BY THE MOUNTAINS :: LOVE RELOADED
BY THE MOUNTAINS :: LOVE RELOADED
‘My love experience is no good at all.’ He went on while taking out one paper from his wallet and handed over it to me. I was really getting myself worked up imagining the worst.
‘What’s all this going on?’ I thought. I was very much bewildered. Trying to ignore every thought, life seemed to be deaf and dumb. I was speechless, in fact. Today, I realized that my mom was right: Sorrow is a part of life. Whenever, I turned up to anything messy in my life with the same forever dialogue: Why did God do this to me?, mommy always ended up with her favorite passage: Sorrow is a part of life. Perhaps, she was right, this is not only with me, well, its phase of everyone’s life. Like Justice and Injustice, Positive and Negative, Truth and Lie, Sorrow and Glee are also two faces of a same coin.
Sorrow is a part of life, I mocked myself as again the same extract whirled in my mind. It made me so uncomfortable I wanted to run right out of there. Perhaps, that was only the end of my yet-to-start story. It seemed like finding out the truth about something when you’re better off believing a lie. For a long time, I wished everything to be a nightmare, but it was not.
Dealing with my sorrow, I just wanted to read that paper as early as possible, though, the dark scary night was a big hurdle. I wanted to know the certainty behind their breakup. I just wanted to know the reason.
I discovered that most people really feel dread of imagining something worst to get explored and I was also one of them. Even when you ask for the truth, it’s like when you ask someone whether they think the dress you’re wearing makes you look fat or if your new haircut makes your ears sticks out – you only want to hear the truth if it’s not going to make you feel bad. Or you might have a best friend who says, ‘you can tell me anything, no matter how terrible,’ but you know if you told her about all the times you’d spend with your love and then you had a break-up, surely she’d probably start hating you.
That’s sort of how I felt then. Heartbreakingly, I found I wasn’t gloomy for Dhruv actually. It was actually like losing my place in a book and opening it to the wrong page. I didn’t know what to say, what to feel. I was too busy feeling sorry for myself. Dhruv, I could tell, was sorry too. May be he wasn’t as shallow as I’d always thought he was.
Everything almost traumatized my mental power. In the midst of the Himalayas, it seemed like I felt the same collision as Himalayas felt forty million years ago, when two plates of the earth’s crust resulted in the creation of the earth’s highest mountain Himalayas.
What kind of relationship would Dhruv and I have? I wondered. Where will this sudden collision lead to? It was still so new and strange that I had a hard time believing the whole episode in the jungle camp wasn’t something my mind cooked up. Instead of beautiful scenery and magical view, the magnificent ranges of the Himalayas felt to harbour breathtakingly deep sorrow and a dramatic environment. So as to relax, I just closed my eyes; however, out of a blue, unexpected arrival of Shilpa from the colossal dusky bushes, just few minutes later only, throttled my senses. There was some strange excitement in her tone.